blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
