This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
