Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
