i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Randomize
