WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
