just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
