they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
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