I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
