Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
