I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
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