Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
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