I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
