Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
