i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
