I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
