Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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