Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
