it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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