fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
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