I think I died a long time ago.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Randomize
