when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
