just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Randomize
