I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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