WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
