You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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