i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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