I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
