im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
