I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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