I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
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