maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
