did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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