He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
