hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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