You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
