I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Randomize
