Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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