i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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