if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
