Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize