My friends, they love my intelligence
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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