I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
