Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
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