Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
