Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
