tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
