I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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