I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
