..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
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