We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
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