he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
