sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
