I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
