she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How's work?
Spinning.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
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