so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Randomize
