A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Randomize
