Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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