There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
