I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
