I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
