tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
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