I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
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