My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Randomize
