WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Randomize
