We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
