Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
