i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
