it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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