So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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