my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
no. you can't hotbox the world.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
